Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
