i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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