Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
