I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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