dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
