I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
