Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
