i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Randomize
