Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
