omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
YAS. BRING CRAB.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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