did you get engaged???
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
