Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
