I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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