Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
