i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
