My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
