Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
