you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
