this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
