We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
