I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
