i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
