Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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