if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
