u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
