You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
sex in a hospital.. check
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
