Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
