Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
