there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
