It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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