remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
