I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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