just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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