we should wear snuggies to the strip club
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He shit in the fireplace
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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