I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
