There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
