I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
