they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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