my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Couch. On fire.
Randomize
