She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
