and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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