My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Im part way to drunk.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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