Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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