Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
