you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
you never un-have a 4some
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Randomize
