I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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