after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
