I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
