if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
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