'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
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