I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
