Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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