Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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