I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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