i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
