How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
